Anthony's Garden of Onomatopoeic Octahedrons

[Anthony]

I'm over-complexifying here, I think. I'm still attachment lead and mostly attachment.

[Anthony]

I've reached a greater degree of clarity, now, regarding the interplay between typology and environment and sort of...the "everything." Wowie wow...a lot of what was confusing me for so long, not even only about myself and my own type, is just now finally falling into place. I'm finding it incredibly hard to articulate (the "everything"), but I will journal about it until I can. For now, I'll say it's analogous to your guys' emphasis on the fact that Enneagram configuration and CT will be compatible.

I was doing both, over-complexifying AND oversimplifying, but Si and Se exist regardless of whether or not I let them.

Things are situated where they're situated, and I mean that very very broadly.

[Anthony]

I've had this conception of myself (why EXACTLY? I'm not sure), that the Social world had always felt distant to me, as though it were a million miles away, a foreign but curious subject.

But, that just isn't at all true. I've always been right next to it, if not inside of and participating directly in it, it was always chiefly on my mind, it was the thing I was collecting unconscious about this entire time, trying to reverse engineer it, and it's what drew me to philosophy, to "dark horror" subjects in part as a form of antisociality, and eventually to typology. The reason I didn't see it this way was that for the past however many years, I put all of my effort and energy into forgetting about it, 'it' being the Social world and all of the pain associated with it, but even then the vision of myself has always been that I would have an eventual reemergence, but one that would prove my 'supremacy,' strongly and unforgettably. The only way I've been able to find peace, ever, is by adopting a social role that I was individually comfortable with having, a certain "the kind of person Anthony is"ness. But, I entered a solipsistic cave.

So/Sp-->Sp/Sx 9.

[Anthony]

The Social 9 (Participation) fights personal definition by denying they have an “I” (Self) and
adopting a faux definition within a group. This 9 is referential, simultaneously living in a bubble
and creating diffusion in their midst. Aggression is denied but also always lingering as a threat.

^ Sylvia, from EF. The above is exactly correct.

[Anthony]

I was going to write this earlier—sometime last night—but I wasn't in the mood to do it, and the chat I just had in the group chat with Roshan reminded me of it :

Some things I wanted to clarify about the above—

"...but Si and Se exist regardless of whether or not I let them"
I'm referring to my general [very unhealthy] tendency to alpha theorize—forming abstractions from ill-formed memories and ideas about reality, then using those abstractions to form entire models of the way reality is & was; in the end, my models of reality do not at all ultimately align with reality itself.
I had an epiphany yesterday, and it was much less a typological epiphany than it was a realization of how to view the progression of events & memories from my past. I was able to actually [and much more accurately] envision the way certain events & memories evolved into the next in a more concrete, memorable way.
Now, I feel much less compartmentalized about the way thins were many years ago, and I NEEDED that, really.

That is also to say, of course, I cannot be totally 100% conclusive with respect to being a Social 9. However, regardless of whether my conception of Social 9 is accurate, everything I said about MYSELF was essentially true—but typologically, I think there's only one other configuration that would account for those things (one way other than so/SP):

What I AM essentially certain of is that I'm not Sp first, I'm definitely not Sp last, and I have to be xx/SP.
But the only other way to look at everything I mentioned about myself is,
I'm an sx/SP 9 with a 'center of gravity' placed outside of myself, and in my self-forgetful merging with environmental influences, I incidentally ended up very involved in Social while perhaps still dealing with Social last issues. For instance, placing a lot of focus and attention on how humans are, attempting to develop a more refined social intelligence while seemingly lacking in it. But as of now, I see this as slightly less likely than my being so/SP.

[Roshan]

The Social 9 (Participation) fights personal definition by denying they have an “I” (Self) and
adopting a faux definition within a group. This 9 is referential, simultaneously living in a bubble
and creating diffusion in their midst. Aggression is denied but also always lingering as a threat.

^ Sylvia, from EF. The above is exactly correct.

The Dude.

[Anthony]

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[Anthony]

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[e-ssam]

I need to give godard another shot
soon ugh

[Anthony]

I need to give godard another shot
soon ugh

What issues do you have with Godard?